im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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