No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
