I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
