Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
