I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
