he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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