i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were trust falling into bushes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
