I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
