How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Houston, we have a squirter
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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