i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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