JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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