You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
