I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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