chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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