I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
