Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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