Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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