i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
