are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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