i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
