Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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