She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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