the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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