You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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