1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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