I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
