we're blogging at a bar
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
