They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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