I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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