he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dating After Heartbreak
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.