Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.