When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...