Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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