I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you never un-have a 4some
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
