I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?