he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs