you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.