from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
