my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
