Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
