True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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