At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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