you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
