I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
