Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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