direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His hands were made for my vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
