I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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