Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
