Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
