you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
