i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
