I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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