Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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