Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
