Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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