I think im going to throw up on grandma
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize