It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
