Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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