I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
