Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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