All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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