you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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