Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
