remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
