i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
