He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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